Friends are just returning from Orphan Camp in Ukraine, Barvinok, specifically. My heart is both lifted, filled and dumped out and empty every time someone posts about their time there, or a few more pictures. I'm breathing based on the frequency of posts; gasping for air in between. And then I take a moment to evaluate... do I just miss not going - being one of the "ones" that goes to a far-off land to share Jesus who don't know Him yet? Or is it more?
I am longing to feel deeply for these loves again. To be broken open - to be raw for days on end whether it means tears or maniacal laughter. I ache for the desire to be so wrapped up in caring for kids who've been less than marginalized. They've been emotionally discarded, dropped off at the doorstep of the human equivalent of Goodwill. I hold them in my heart - have for a year now - but would rather meet their direct gazes with an assurance of care and concern for their hearts and minds by the One who made them and loves them unconditionally.
My God. I miss those kids. Lord Jesus, give me the chance to return and to love them like you love me. My heart has been torn asunder - into a thousand pieces.